Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
