I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
