I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
