I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
