Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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