My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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