Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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