i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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