He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
