dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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