My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
should my penis look like a turkey
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
