If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
