sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
