I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
