I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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