Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
