She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
