youre lurking in front of me
I puked a lego.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
