I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
