Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
