omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
