it's too hot outside to masturbate.
She announced her abortion via fbk
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
