there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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