i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
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