Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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