Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize