I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
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