Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Randomize
