State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
