He asked to "fluff my boner.."
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
