I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
