my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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