Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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