I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
