I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
