We're like a lot better than the average bears
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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