What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
