You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
