after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize