drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
the liver wants what the liver wants
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
