just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
