sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Randomize
