I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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