i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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