White coat. Heels.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Dicks are not precious.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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