I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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