i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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