2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Sober January is a disaster.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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