I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize