My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
