So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
