I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
