I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
