I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
