i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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