Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'm really busy with my period
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