they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
