I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
