Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Who put my cat in the fridge?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
