He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
