Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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