11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
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