it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
