Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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