Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize