Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
My Higher Power is John Stamos
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
