At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
