I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Randomize
