super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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