When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
