I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
