On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Randomize