I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
