if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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