i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
