If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
