i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
