I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
