this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize