Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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