Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
