sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
