nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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