Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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