WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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