You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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