Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
