Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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