This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
