I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
