I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize