I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
