i used baking grease as lip gloss
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Come on in and take your pants off
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