The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
