I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
