I just made out with a guy for $7.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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