filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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