im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize