I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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