you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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