What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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