After last night, I could never be a politician.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
