This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
