Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
