Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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