Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
