we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
he puts the penis in happiness.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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